CALGARY – A record number of drivers showed up Monday morning for the General Motors Drive for the Cure, an event held yearly in Calgary’s downtown. Sidewalks were closed off from 8:30am to…
Health
Study: 83% of human bodies ‘pretty gross’
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Researchers at the new Human Studies Institute of the world famous CERN Laboratory in Switzerland announced today the results of their study into the human body, revea…
Homophobic doctor dies of prostate cancer
BARRIE, ON – Dr. Frank Lilles, 47, known for his outspoken refusal to take a prostate test, as he perceived the test to be homosexual in nature, died of prostate cancer yesterday. Many in t…
12-year-old can’t figure out why parents hugging him more since trip to the doctor
REGINA, SK – Ever since his trip to the doctor two weeks ago, Josh Barnabey, 12, can’t figure out why his parents are hugging him a lot more than usual. “They keep patting my head and givin…
Fist-bump proclaimed top broclamation
EDMONTON, AB – After months of data collection, 3000 hours of simulation tests, and a research endowment of over $450,000, top anbropologists at the University of Alberta have proven that t…
Report: Smoking still kinda cool if smoker attractive
BALTIMORE, MD – Researchers from the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine published a report earlier this week which finds that smoking is still kinda cool, provided the smoker in question is attract…
Health Canada politely asks Canadians not to fall sick anymore
OTTAWA, ON – In a public statement made Monday morning, Health Canada officially asked Canadians if, before getting sick, they might first consider not getting sick at all. “Given the monumental …
New study links depression to sharing office space with Dave
MONTREAL – According to a report released by McGill’s Institute for Mental Health, the leading cause of depression among working Canadians is shared office space with Dave Sheppard. “Nine t…
Heroic battle against cancer cut short by recovery
A woman’s courageous battle against cancer was cut short due to a speedy recovery, hospital doctors reported yesterday. “She’s healing quicker than expected,” explained Dr. Teeple of his patient,…
