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Health
Dozens dead after rotten green meat mistaken for St. Patrick’s Day special
ST. CATHERINE’S, ON – Well over 20 people were reported dead last night, with countless more hospitalized, after the rancid, green meat served at O’Malley’s Irish Bar and Grill was mistaken…
Researchers determine that brain damage causes MMA fights
MORGANSTOWN, VA – Researchers at the esteemed Brain Injury Research Institute have determined that brain injuries cause mixed martial arts fights. “Before starting their careers in fighting, most…
Lazy charity holds annual Drive for the Cure campaign
CALGARY – A record number of drivers showed up Monday morning for the General Motors Drive for the Cure, an event held yearly in Calgary’s downtown. Sidewalks were closed off from 8:30am to…
Study: 83% of human bodies ‘pretty gross’
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Researchers at the new Human Studies Institute of the world famous CERN Laboratory in Switzerland announced today the results of their study into the human body, revea…
Homophobic doctor dies of prostate cancer
BARRIE, ON – Dr. Frank Lilles, 47, known for his outspoken refusal to take a prostate test, as he perceived the test to be homosexual in nature, died of prostate cancer yesterday. Many in t…
12-year-old can’t figure out why parents hugging him more since trip to the doctor
REGINA, SK – Ever since his trip to the doctor two weeks ago, Josh Barnabey, 12, can’t figure out why his parents are hugging him a lot more than usual. “They keep patting my head and givin…
Fist-bump proclaimed top broclamation
EDMONTON, AB – After months of data collection, 3000 hours of simulation tests, and a research endowment of over $450,000, top anbropologists at the University of Alberta have proven that t…
Report: Smoking still kinda cool if smoker attractive
BALTIMORE, MD – Researchers from the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine published a report earlier this week which finds that smoking is still kinda cool, provided the smoker in question is attract…
