AUSTIN, TX – Health-conscious grocery chain Whole Foods will be launching a new kind of pizza which they promise will revolutionize the way their customers think about pizza by introducing …
Health
Feds reduce healthcare budget to invest in megacemetery
OTTAWA – In a move that has been lauded by right-wing policy experts, the Harper government announced plans today to slash the nation’s healthcare budget in order to finance construction of…
‘Fine, don’t get the flu shot. See what I care,’ declare nation’s doctors
OTTAWA – The Canadian Medical Association released a statement earlier today informing Canadians that it no longer cares if you get the flu shot, or what diseases you contract, even though…
November to become Female Pubic Hair Appreciation Month
VICTORIA – A new charity, Novembeaver, is looking to draw awareness to ovarian cancer research with women being encouraged to grow out their pubic hair for charity. “We like to think …
Doctors admit ‘turn-your-head-and-cough’ procedure one big practical joke
TORONTO – The Canadian Medical Association announced today that the procedure of twisting a man’s scrotum and asking him to turn his head and cough is a longstanding prank. Until now, docto…
Mother proud of son for sharing toys, vaccine-preventable disease with classmates
OAKVILLE – Nathalie Stilstuch, mother of 5 year-old Jackson, is beaming with pride knowing that her son is sharing sandbox toys and his measles with his senior kindergarten class. The gener…
Breast cancer charity makes huge strides in corporate research, logo development
TORONTO – The struggle to market breast cancer corporate awareness is one step closer to victory after the Foundation for Breast Cancer Research of Canada has made a breakthrough in busines…
BREAKING: Deep-fried-croissant bacon cheeseburger made by carney is bad for you
TORONTO – Following 12 cases of food poisoning linked to the “cronut burger,” the department of Public Health has shut down the Canadian National Exhibition stand and has warned customers t…
Study: ‘Bieber Fever’ actually audible syphilis
WINNIPEG – After a three year study by the Public Health Agency of Canada, ‘Bieber Fever’ has been revealed as an audible STI. Dr. Richard Moffat of the National Microbiology Lab in Winnipe…
