SECRET LAB, MOJAVE DESERT – Scientists and humanitarians the world over were astonished and appalled today, as the international biotechnology corporation, Monsanto, announced that they wer…
Health
PEI Health opens inaugural ‘Anne of Green Gables’ abortion clinic
CHARLOTTETOWN – Honouring PEI’s most cherished fictional character, the province has named its first abortion clinic after Anne of Green Gables. Unbeknownst to many Canadians, the author of…
Study: Coffee drinkers more likely to live longer lives, but die at a younger age
CAMBRIDGE, MA – A groundbreaking study from the Harvard School of Public Health revealed that coffee drinkers are more likely to live longer lives, but will die at a younger age. “We have r…
Local woman walks to gym to walk on treadmill
HAMILTON – A 55 year-old local woman has been taking regular outdoor walks to the gym so she can walk on a treadmill. Margaret Antonin strolls nearly two kilometers to her local GoodLife gy…
Unprepared surgeon just going to ‘wing it’
VANCOUVER – In lieu of doing proper preparation for a complicated surgery scheduled this afternoon, neurosurgeon Dr. James Rutherford, a recent graduate from UBC’s Faculty of Medicine, has …
Report: Kale is the secret to health, longevity, smugness
MONTREAL – According to a report from the Centre for Trendy Greens, consuming Kale twice a week makes you stronger, smarter, and more smug than your peers. “It’s really a miracle food, capa…
Whole Foods introduces new gluten pizza
AUSTIN, TX – Health-conscious grocery chain Whole Foods will be launching a new kind of pizza which they promise will revolutionize the way their customers think about pizza by introducing …
Feds reduce healthcare budget to invest in megacemetery
OTTAWA – In a move that has been lauded by right-wing policy experts, the Harper government announced plans today to slash the nation’s healthcare budget in order to finance construction of…
‘Fine, don’t get the flu shot. See what I care,’ declare nation’s doctors
OTTAWA – The Canadian Medical Association released a statement earlier today informing Canadians that it no longer cares if you get the flu shot, or what diseases you contract, even though…
