CANADA – Six days after their throats started to get scratchy, the entire country is still trying to get over this fucking cold. “Shit,” said every person in the country, catchi…
Health
High levels of childhood obesity in Canada ‘great for business’ says high school bully
PETERBOROUGH — Teenage tyrants across the country raised their victim’s underpants in jubilation today after learning that childhood obesity rates in Canada continue to rise “faster t…
Ontario middle schooler can’t believe he has so much orgy and Satanism homework
TORONTO – After only one week of the new sex-ed curriculum, local 7th grader Jimmy Donaldson can’t believe he has to spend the entire weekend doing group sex and devil-worship assignm…
New zero-emission blood donation van powered by blood
The Canadian Blood Services added their first zero-emission vehicle to their fleet of mobile donation labs with the BlooDrive 1, a van that gets 100% of it’s energy from the human blood it collec…
‘Female Viagra’ lets women with sexual dysfunction add fainting, nausea, dizziness to symptoms
RALEIGH, NC – This past week flibanserin or “female Viagra” was approved by the FDA, allowing women nationwide to combat low sex-drive while only suffering from of a long list of incapacita…
Students forced to stay home over Ontario sex ed curriculum pass time sexting
TORONTO – Students held back from school Monday by parents protesting the proposed sex ed curriculum report they managed to make good use of their free time by snapping full frontal nudes and sen…
ǝsᴉɹ ǝɥʇ uo sǝᴉɹnɾuᴉ ʞɔǝN :ʎpnʇS
˙ƃuᴉpuǝq ʇuɐʇsuoɔ puɐ uᴉɐɹʇs ǝʌᴉssǝɔxǝ ɯoɹɟ sǝᴉɹnɾuᴉ ʞɔǝu ɟo ɹǝqɯnu ǝɥʇ uᴉ ǝsᴉɹ dɹɐɥs ɐ pǝʇɐɔᴉpuᴉ sɐɥ ʎpnʇs uɐᴉpɐuɐƆ ɹoɾɐɯ ∀ – ɹǝʌnoɔuɐΛ spɹɐʍʞɔɐq puɐ uʍop-ǝpᴉsdn sǝlɔᴉʇɹɐ pɐǝɹ oʇ ƃuᴉʎɹʇ sɐ…
Stonemill Bakery’s ‘Bread for Women’ same as man bread, but with 30% less dough
SCARBOROUGH – An independent investigation has found that Scarborough-based Stonemill Bakery’s new ‘Women’s Wellness’ pre-packaged bread is identical to the men’s va…
Child dying from measles just glad he isn’t autistic
TORONTO – Quarantined in his hospital room after contracting a fatal case of measles, little Timothy Bartlet told reporters how glad he was that his parents opted not to vaccinate for fear …
