WINNIPEG – Since starting a ketogenic diet 4 days ago, Garden City resident Raekell Griggs has begun trying to recruit friends for the diet with a fervour usually only found in those who ar…
Health
Service dogs now trained to assist women who provide emotional labour
GUELPH, ON – As part of a pilot program introduced this spring at the University of Guelph, the roles of service dogs trained to support mental health are being expanded to include assistan…
Smell of burnt toast convinces entire Diner they’re about to have a seizure
OTTAWA – Recalling only a few seconds of that Canadian Heritage Moment, every patron of a local diner was immediately certain they were about to have a seizure after the kitchen burnt two p…
5 indoor exercises that aren’t masturbating
Winter is a tough time for everyone. Your bike is in storage, it’s too cold to go jogging, and you’re not burning enough calories, no matter how frequently you masturbate. If you’re getting bored…
Ginger Ale still number one recommended soda for your sore tum tum
TORONTO – After extensive testing in laboratories across the nation, Canada’s leading scientists have reported that due to its high content of fizzie wizzies and unparalleled yum yum factor…
Years later man still haunted by memory of saying “Hi” to total stranger he thought was Jeff
RICHMOND, B.C. – After seven years, local man Gary Alonzo still wakes up in a cold sweat, traumatized by the memory of that time he accidentally greeted someone he thought was his friend Je…
Health Canada tightens food safety regulations by changing 5 second rule to 3 seconds
OTTAWA – Health Canada and the Canadian Food Inspection Agency are changing their food safety regulations and guidelines on eating something that fell on the floor. “When it comes to consum…
Canada’s doctors find a new way to convince people to get vaccinated
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Bernie Sanders admiration of Canadian healthcare makes patient waiting 2 years for hip replacement feel much better
TORONTO – A woman who has been waiting for a hip replacement for the past two years is beaming with pride knowing that US Senator Bernie Sanders thinks that Canada’s healthcare system is st…
Study: Niagara River fish have better access to antidepressants than most Canadians
NIAGARA FALLS – A new study released by the University of Buffalo has shown that the fish swimming in the Niagara River have free and unlimited access to a number of antidepressants and oth…
