AUSTIN – Following his fervent opposition to everything President-elect Donald Trump stands for, local liberal Witmer Monroe is facing his greatest challenge: having to defend NBC’s sketch …
Culture
After divorce Ms Pacman to retake maiden name Svarkowski
After months of rumours of infidelity and drug fuelled blowouts, culminating in a leaked sex tape between Pac-Man and Dig Dug, Ms Pac-man and Pac-Man have announced their intention to divorce, wi…
Introducing the Boys Club Wendy Dolls
Move over, Game Developer Barbie, there is a new line of dolls that show women can excel in male dominated fields! If you missed the episode last night you can watch the full show online h…
Merriam-Webster 2016 Word-of-the-Year: “Fuuuuuuuuuuck”
SPRINGFIELD, MA – The dictionary editors at Merriam-Webster have found that the most used word of 2016 was “fuuuuuuuuuuuuck”, followed closely by “Fuckfuckfuck”, “Jesus-Fucking-Christ”, and…
Canadian Porn
The Beaverton investigates the most important CanCon of them all: The Canadian Pornography industry.…
Struggling Toronto Symphony Orchestra rebrands as buddy-cop comedy
TORONTO – Following yet another quarter of disappointing returns, the Toronto Symphony Orchestra has decided to rebrand itself into a buddy-cop comedy. “Let’s be frank, most people don’t kn…
CRTC decrees Tim Hortons ads meet Canadian content requirements
Toronto, ON – In an unprecedented move the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission has allowed advertisements for the ubiquitous coffee chain Tim Hortons to be counted t…
Fading stock photo star recalls when it was her face on the bus ad
FREDERICTON – With her stock model glory all but forgotten, Mary Ellesmere reflected on the height of her career when she was featured on a local bus advertisement. From humble beginnings, …
Report: Everyone at Halloween party wearing Stranger Things costume
FREDERICTON – Reports surfaced early yesterday morning confirming that every single attendee at the office Halloween party was wearing a Stranger Things themed costume. “I mean, we knew it …
New ‘Da Vinci Code’ movie highly anticipated among Dan Browns
LOS ANGELES, CA — The Dan Browns of Dan Brown’s Dan Brown Fan Club released an official statement on their website, Saturday, expressing their excitement for Inferno, the new film in the Da…
