LOS ANGELES — Coming off his recent split with Taylor Swift, Hollywood actor Tom Hiddleston has penned a soulful ballad about the pain he has experienced since the end of the relationship. …
Culture
Local couple get sneak peek of their new favourite TV show, The Beaverton
TORONTO – Local couple Tina and William were able to spend their evening watching a live recording of the new Beaverton TV show, the very important televised adaptation of the very importan…
Drake finally gets under the shirt, over the bra with Rihanna
TORONTO — Over the long weekend, the nation was jubilant to receive news that Toronto-born rapper Drake had finally gotten to second base with girlfriend Rihanna. The news about the progres…
Fervent acolytes await prophesied return of Pumpkin Spice Latte
WINNIPEG – Deep beneath the earth in an adjunct conference room of Buhler Industries Inc, a clandestine group of extremely white disciples eagerly awaits the earthly rebirth of their most s…
Marriage on the rocks after argument over whether Golden Age of television has ended
HAMILTON – A recent argument between Ted and Susan Jameson over whether the golden age of television has indeed come to a close has led to concerns that their marriage may be in jeopardy. “Sure, …
Leslie Jones signs multi-picture deal to remake every single movie online trolls grew up loving
HOLLYWOOD – Following a hack and leak of nude photos of comedic actress Leslie Jones, Hollywood studios have announced a 35-film deal to feature Jones in remakes of every single movie that …
Political culture becoming dangerously polarized, says guy worse than Stalin
OTTAWA – Political discourse in the English-speaking world is becoming increasingly oppositional, says one researcher who is Hitler reborn, but this time with a bit of Pol-Pot and Saddam th…
Obituary section actually sponsored content
TORONTO – On closer inspection, the ‘In Memoriam’ section of a respected news site has turned out to be a piece of native advertising. “John William Stearns (b. 1943) was a loving father, w…
Loser kids trying to cash in on Netflix’s Stranger Things
Meaford, ON – A group of four hopeless geeks have begun to be more outspoken and confident, a behaviour their parents and classmates attribute to the release of the Netflix program Stranger…
Report: Jared Leto terrorized Suicide Squad castmates with 30 Seconds to Mars songs
HOLLYWOOD – As Warner Brothers releases its latest DC Comics blockbuster, Suicide Squad, sources have confirmed that star Jared Leto’s “acting method” involved torturing his castmates with …
