OTTAWA – Although millions of women meet each other and/or confirm important agreements every year, a new study reveals that their handshakes go largely undocumented. Among the women whose handsh…
Culture
Disney’s gay Lefou lauded as “huge step forward” for LGBT characters no one could possibly like
BURBANK — LGBT advocates are applauding Disney’s remake of Beauty and the Beast, featuring an openly gay version of LeFou, as a leap forward for gay characters no one would ever want to ide…
Upcoming movie somehow not based on, or sequel to, anything
LOS ANGELES, CA – Industry and critical circles were thrown into an uproar this week by an announcement that a major motion picture scheduled to hit theatres later this year will not be based on …
Man a traitor to Zognath for dating woman from secular-Groznar family
EDMONTON – Disappointing both his parents and his gentle-hearted saviour Zognath, local man Eric Timmins has started dating a girl whose family are lapsed Groznites. “Of course I take it pe…
Emma Watson punches through basement drywall after having to explain feminism again
LONDON – After being questioned on the legitimacy of her feminist politics in relation to a revealing photo-shoot, British actor Emma Watson has put her fist through a layer of drywall in a local…
Atellia, Goddess of Light writes herself into fan fiction about average high school
CELESTIAL KINGDOM – In a move that had other omnipotent deities rolling their eyes, Atellia Goddess of Light has written herself into a fan fiction about a mid-sized suburban high school. I…
Archeologists discover mass Polkaroo burial site
TORONTO – Two decades after TVO’s award-winning children’s program The Polka Dot Door ended, archaeologists from the University of Toronto have finally discovered where all the polkaroos ar…
Local man’s only role model dog from viral video
WHITEHORSE — Even including family, teachers, coaches, and celebrities, local man Eric Lee would be hard pressed to name a role model that isn’t that Siberian Husky from a video he saw on Faceboo…
Local man accidentally misses Oscars after not giving a shit
HALIFAX – This morning, local man, Robert Murray was shocked to discover he had mistakenly neglected to watch Hollywood’s biggest event last night because, fuck it. “Oh, I guess I did”, remarked …
UPDATE: Academy releases complete list of revised Oscar winners
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Responding to last night’s now infamous Oscar Best Picture mix up, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has gone through their past records overnight and released…
