WINNIPEG – Canada’s beloved children’s music performer and two-time Juno winner is reinventing his brand of music as lead vocals in a local death metal band. Fred Penner, 70, announced that…
Culture
5 classic novels to hide your 2nd grade reading level
Reading is hard. The words just go on and on piling up onto each other until they overwhelm you with their complexity and volume. But the fact that you have the same level of literacy as a 7-year…
Bryan Baeumler’s house now forty stories tall
TORONTO – After four seasons of an HGTV show where he renovates his own house, and one season of another HGTV show where he builds his own house, HGTV star Bryan Baeumler’s house is now for…
Study: Millions of handshakes between women go unreported every year
OTTAWA – Although millions of women meet each other and/or confirm important agreements every year, a new study reveals that their handshakes go largely undocumented. Among the women whose handsh…
Disney’s gay Lefou lauded as “huge step forward” for LGBT characters no one could possibly like
BURBANK — LGBT advocates are applauding Disney’s remake of Beauty and the Beast, featuring an openly gay version of LeFou, as a leap forward for gay characters no one would ever want to ide…
Upcoming movie somehow not based on, or sequel to, anything
LOS ANGELES, CA – Industry and critical circles were thrown into an uproar this week by an announcement that a major motion picture scheduled to hit theatres later this year will not be based on …
Man a traitor to Zognath for dating woman from secular-Groznar family
EDMONTON – Disappointing both his parents and his gentle-hearted saviour Zognath, local man Eric Timmins has started dating a girl whose family are lapsed Groznites. “Of course I take it pe…
Emma Watson punches through basement drywall after having to explain feminism again
LONDON – After being questioned on the legitimacy of her feminist politics in relation to a revealing photo-shoot, British actor Emma Watson has put her fist through a layer of drywall in a local…
Atellia, Goddess of Light writes herself into fan fiction about average high school
CELESTIAL KINGDOM – In a move that had other omnipotent deities rolling their eyes, Atellia Goddess of Light has written herself into a fan fiction about a mid-sized suburban high school. I…
Archeologists discover mass Polkaroo burial site
TORONTO – Two decades after TVO’s award-winning children’s program The Polka Dot Door ended, archaeologists from the University of Toronto have finally discovered where all the polkaroos ar…
