KINGSTON, ON – Local white friend Conor Armstrong announced this week that he’s recently discovered an obscure new tv show called “Atlanta” — yeah, like the city. “It’s actually pretty good…
Culture
“James Bond can’t be black,” says man who believes Jesus was white
BROSSARD, QC – Amidst ongoing speculation over who will be cast as the titular character in the next James Bond film, one local man has offered his take on the issue by suggesting that Mr. …
Amazing Race Canada: Only 4 teams left after grueling Mexican drug mule detour
MEXICO CITY – Only four teams remain in one of Canada’s most popular reality based game show after contestants were required to smuggle 10 kilos of cocaine out of Mexico and into Canada. Th…
Louis CK locks door of Comedy Cellar, tells audience, “This will only take 7-10 minutes”
NEW YORK CITY – Audience members at New York’s famed Comedy Cellar reported that last night disgraced comedian Louis CK locked them in the room to watch him, insisting, “I promise it …
Fans worry The Big Bang Theory will end without revealing which nerd is the horniest
HOLLYWOOD – Ever since last week’s announcement that the upcoming 12th season of The Big Bang Theory would be the show’s last, fans have been expressing concern that the show would never re…
New Heritage Minute commemorates Canadian who sucker-punched Houdini
TORONTO — A newly released Heritage Minutes honours McGill student Jocelyn Gordon Whitehead, whose surprise attack on Harry Houdini is widely believed to have been the cause of his death in…
Netflix producer caught releasing dozens of bad movies into local river
HOLLYWOOD – A Netflix producer is facing charges after being caught dumping a number of god-awful movies into a local river. Residents began to report an excremental stench several weeks ag…
Canadian television producing yet another period drama in order to recycle costumes from other period dramas
HALIFAX, NS – After decades of riveting Canadian period dramas lulling the nation to sleep, network television has decided to produce yet another historical Canadian television show in orde…
Condom ad quickly running out of visual metaphors to signify cumming
New York, NY – The writing team behind Durex Ultrathin’s latest commercial have hit a stumbling block after realizing they have used up every known visual cue to let the audience know the p…
Studio pulls Mission: Impossible – Fallout from theatres after realizing it has the same female character as the last one
LOS ANGELES – Paramount Pictures is pulling the latest Mission: Impossible sequel from theatres and promising refunds for advanced ticket sales after concluding it was antithetical to the s…
