TORONTO – Two years into his undergraduate degree, local student Sam Taylor is convinced he won’t be one of the ones put up against the wall when the revolution comes. “No, I’m on the Peopl…
Campus
‘I’m going to business school’ reports man who just gave up
Toronto – Self identified failure James Octin has decided to go to University of Western Ontario for a Masters in Business Administration after giving up on all other possible options. “I&#…
Graduating university student going to miss having excuse to live in own filth
MONTREAL – After four years of using his educational status to deflect judgement, Concordia student Navin Singh already misses having a solid excuse to live in his own filth. “Used to be th…
Carleton University gym replaces weight scales with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs scale
OTTAWA – Carleton Athletics has removed all scales measuring weight in its gym and replaced them with Abraham Maslow’s theoretical Hierarchy of Needs. “Gym-goers need to measure the things …
MFA student in 7th year realizes he’s living the plot of Groundhog Day
Kingston, ON – While watching the film Groundhog Day in his one bedroom apartment on Princess Street, Queen’s University MFA Candidate Charles Rumple stumbled upon the realization that he t…
McGill students endorse plan to battle fascism by punching Jews
MONTREAL – Yesterday the Students’ Society of McGill University voted to support a representative’s calls to combat the growing tide of alt-right sentiment and neo-fascist rhetoric by track…
Make-A-Wish foundation fulfills child’s dream of becoming tenured professor of economics
CHICAGO, IL – Finally able to follow in the footsteps of his longtime hero Milton Friedman, the Make-A-Wish Foundation has let one sick little boy live his dream of becoming a tenured profe…
Professor’s clever trick question on exam prevents 14 students from attending law school
MONTREAL – Speaking to his stunned class two weeks after their midterm, Dr. Emile Hastings revealed that one of the seemingly simple questions on the test was actually a fun little trick, t…
Queen’s students torn on which racist theme-party to go to tonight
KINGSTON, ON – A group of Queen’s University students are divided on which of the five cultural appropriation costume parties they would like to attend this evening. Negotiations to break t…
Freshman student really pours his heart out during Name Game
MONTREAL – Dennis Lawson, a first-year student at McGill university, accidentally bared his soul to his floor-mates during a routine “Name Game” at a residence mixer. “The game was pretty s…