EDMONTON – The provincial government of Alberta is calling on residents to burn tires and other materials in an effort to make up for the lack of carbon emissions and environmental devastat…
Alberta
Alberta insists oil workers essential, essential-oil workers not essential
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta reiterated today that the province considers workers in the oil industry to be essential while workers in the essential-oil industry are considered non-…
Alberta suspends environmental reporting rules to prevent spread of information
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta has used its emergency powers to suspend regulations that require the oil and gas industry to report the effects of their activities on the environment …
Alberta’s health minister models excellent physical distancing by yelling at people from at least 2 meters away
EDMONTON – Alberta Health Minister Tyler Shandro is practicing what he preaches by committing to only respond to people who’ve accused him of unethically benefiting from his role as public …
Alberta announces it will only protect the most profitable wildlife
EDMONTON – Citing the mounting cost to taxpayers, Alberta’s UCP government announced that it will be only be protecting wildlife that can turn a profit. Environment Minister Jason Nixon sai…
Teck pulls application for oil sands mine after finding out about the existence of oil prices
FORT McMURRAY, AB – Teck Resources Ltd have pulled their application to the Canadian government for a massive $20 billion oil sands mine in northern Alberta after a shocking study by the co…
Conservatives hoping to find leader that might finally appeal to Alberta
OTTAWA – After failing to win government, many in the Conservative party are wondering whether they should replace Erin O’Toole with a leader that will really shore up support in Albe…
Blood-stained Jason Kenney fires police officers investigating murder
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has announced $2 million more in savings for government coffers after firing the police officers investigating him on suspicion of murder. “Making co…
Alberta legislation permits health care workers to religiously sacrifice patients
EDMONTON – Alberta’s UCP government has hastily passed legislation to permit health care workers the right to make human sacrifices to appease their respective deities. The Conscience…
Alberta to be represented in Liberal cabinet by empty cowboy hat
OTTAWA – With no MPs from either Alberta or Saskatchewan, sources indicate that Western Canada will be represented in the Trudeau cabinet by an empty Calgary White Hat. The 10-gallon hat, f…
