ABBOTSFORD, BC – Local mental health patient Andrew Wallace, 35, has tolerated hearing voices in his head for years, but says he is now unable to deal with the voices after their upper mana…
Jen’s dating life totally inconsiderate, says ‘completely platonic’ roommate Darren
TORONTO – Darren Santos, year-long roommate to Jennifer Richards, has finally had enough of the co-ed’s active dating life. “She’s a great girl, but it’s getting to be a bit much,” said San…
Local rapper doesn’t give a fuck about bitches
RICHMOND HILL, ON – Local rapper Justin “J-Swingy” Simms announced to his circle of friends earlier this week that he did not, indeed, give a fuck about bitches. “We were just chilling at M…
Man typecast as serial killer would literally kill for new role
TORONTO – James Holden Garrison, a moderately successful dramatic actor, has been cast in 18 television guest spots–always playing either the serial killer, or the guy everyone thinks…
Imaginary friend from childhood now unemployed, just needs a place to crash
BARRIE, ON – Recent graduate Kyle Parsons, 23, was taken aback this week by the reappearance of his imaginary childhood friend, Silly Pete, who showed up on Parson’s doorstep with a suitcas…
Ghost would like to move on now that scores are settled
WINNEPEG, MB – Initially intent on wreaking mild inconvenience on his enemies, the bored ghost of Mark Sammon, 34, realized earlier this week that his average life left him without enough h…