THE HOLY SEE – The Catholic Church has released a new breakfast cereal, Eucharisps, that contains 50% of your daily moral fibre. The church claims the crispy wafer-chip cereal is blessed, infalli…
Disney defends Depp’s role as Native American: ‘We were unable to find a dark-skinned Italian’
LOS ANGELES – After the first night of Disney’s The Lone Ranger premiere, the mass media corporation that produced the western classic remake responded to concerns regarding their casting choice …
UPDATE: After yet another terrorist bust, RCMP Stetson hats now too small to fit ego
VICTORIA – After successfully stopping an attempted Canada Day terrorist attack that could have potentially killed many, marking their second major bust in 2013, the RCMP announced that the curre…
Radical pro-lifer disappointed Morgentaler never returned any of his death threat calls
LETHBRIDGE – An ardent anti-abortionist is disappointed that the renowned pro-choice advocate Henry Morgentaler never returned any of his menacing phone messages. “It’s like he pretended I didn’t…
Mike Duffy returns to political broadcasting with scandalous story about Senator Duffy
OTTAWA – Embattled Senator Mike Duffy has made a return to his former career after resigning from the Conservative caucus to report a scandalous story about himself. “As a journalist, I had to br…
Hadfield comes home to $1.37 million Rogers phone bill
KAZAKHSTAN – After five months in space, Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield was shocked to discover his cell phone provider has charged him well over a million dollars for data usage and roaming c…
Government on missing $3.1 billion: ‘We left a nice tip’
OTTAWA – Responding to the Auditor General’s scathing report that revealed $3.1 billion unaccounted for in anti-terrorism funding, the Harper government defended itself claiming it was a generous…
Shocked at daycare shooting, Canadians wonder which US state Gatineau is in
OTTAWA – Disturbed Canadians took to the internet to voice their thoughts about the breaking story involving gun violence at a daycare in Gatineau today, but were confused about where Gatineau wa…
Runner-up Cardinal mildly comforted by his new washer-dryer
VATICAN CITY – Brazilian Cardinal Odilo Scherer was somewhat consoled when he received his runner-up prize of a washer and dryer after losing the papal election yesterday. “It’s alrig…
