˙ƃuᴉpuǝq ʇuɐʇsuoɔ puɐ uᴉɐɹʇs ǝʌᴉssǝɔxǝ ɯoɹɟ sǝᴉɹnɾuᴉ ʞɔǝu ɟo ɹǝqɯnu ǝɥʇ uᴉ ǝsᴉɹ dɹɐɥs ɐ pǝʇɐɔᴉpuᴉ sɐɥ ʎpnʇs uɐᴉpɐuɐƆ ɹoɾɐɯ ∀ – ɹǝʌnoɔuɐΛ spɹɐʍʞɔɐq puɐ uʍop-ǝpᴉsdn sǝlɔᴉʇɹɐ pɐǝɹ oʇ ƃuᴉʎɹʇ sɐ…
Future Shop employees receive severance pay in Best Buy gift cards
TORONTO – 1,500 former employees of Future Shop Canada will receive a generous severance package of Best Buy gift certificates valued at $25 or more. Best Buy, the parent company of Future …
Canada will drop ‘very smart bombs’ programmed to understand complexities of Syrian conflict
OTTAWA – Defence Minister Jason Kenney has assured the Canadian public the bombs being dropped on Syria will be of the ‘very smart bomb’ variety fully capable of understanding the complicat…
Thousands of Quebec students start required protest internships to obtain arts degree
MONTREAL – As a requirement for many universities in Quebec, tens of thousands of students have started their annual protest internships to complete their degrees. Quebec students must spen…
Government removes ‘Trans’ from Trans-Canada Highway citing family values
OTTAWA – Canada’s transcontinental highway will get a name change after several Conservative MPs and Senators expressed discomfort with the current name. The Conservative caucus accused the…
All hockey parents must be accompanied with a responsible child, decrees local arena
VICTORIA – A Victoria arena’s policy has ruled that all hockey parents must be escorted by a responsible child at all times while they are on the premises. “We’ve had several instances wher…
Harper defends women’s rights by telling them what to wear
OTTAWA – Canada’s Prime Minister and staunch women’s rights ally Stephen Harper is defending women’s rights by dictating what the can and cannot wear during citizenship ceremonies. “The niq…
‘Holocaust began with words’ claims minister defending large stack of words
OTTAWA – In a press conference on Tuesday, Public Safety Minister Steven Blaney claimed that “the Holocaust did not begin in the gas chambers, it began with words,” in defense of Bill C-51, a doc…
Shithole town bans motherfucking swearing
TABER, AB – Some fucking shitheaded municipality in butt-fuck nowhere Alberta has passed a tightassed ban on motherfucking swearing. “We think this ban will make our youth more respectful,”…
Putin vows to personally lead the cover-up of opponent’s murder
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin is vowing a complete and thorough cover-up into the assassination of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov using all of the Russian state security and po…
