TORONTO — Cinnamon heart producers were shocked to discover this week that many consumers of the red heart drops are actually eating the product, sometimes compulsively. “To clarify, the he…
Study: Half of nation lay awake worrying about what they said to the other half
OTTAWA — Last night, roughly half of the country’s population was awake in bed worrying about what they recently said to the remaining population. According to the Sleep Restlessness Instit…
Yukon’s shortlist for a territorial motto
Yukon is one of the last jurisdictions in Canada not to have a motto, but a local Legion is hosting a competition to change that. Here’s the shortlist: 1. Not Alaska 2. Yukon: We’ll keep your car…
My grandfather didn’t fight suffragettes just to give women a gender-neutral O Canada
BY: PETER MARSH As a proud man Canadian, I sing ‘O Canada’ with an enormous sense of pride, especially when I emphasize ‘in all thy sons command’. When I sing those sweet, exclusive lyrics, I thi…
Alberta hosts provincial wide garage sale on gently used oil production equipment
EDMONTON — Bargain hunters were out in full force at a surprise garage sale for most of Alberta’s unused oil and gas production equipment last weekend. Politicians and industry executives n…
Postmedia journalist reporting on newspaper lay-offs fired
TORONTO — Postmedia announced today it would be laying off several employees, including the reporter they assigned to cover the layoffs. Wesley Brais, who was known for such headlines as “S…
BREAKING: Media reports 3 suspicious men taking pictures of Niagara Falls
NIAGARA FALLS — Dozens of media outlets are reporting on three suspicious men captured on surveillance footage taking pictures and video of one of Canada’s least popular landmarks, Niagara …
Whitehorse touts cleanest landfill made up of 15% recyclable glass
WHITEHORSE — Yukon’s capital is claiming it has the cleanest landfill in Canada after recently discovering that glass is not being accepted for recycling and is being sent to the local dump…
500 thankful university students find out they aren’t going to York after all
500 almost-students breathed a sigh of relief this Tuesday after they were informed by York University that they were sent acceptance letters by accident and would not be forced to enroll. “Norma…
My parents spanked me and I turned out to be a perfectly fine child abuser
BY: LACEY EMMANUEL Growing up as a child, my parents were assertive in their discipline and used various types of force when my siblings and I got out of line. Without this type of necessary puni…
