OTTAWA – Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan has announced that the government will add $62 billion in defence spending delays over the next 10 years. The new procurement strategy titled ‘Postpo…
The Beaverton renewed for season 2 after writers, cast pass brutal Canadian TV hazing rituals
TORONTO – Bell Media announced today that it has picked up satirical news sensation The Beaverton for another year after the show’s cast and crew successfully completed the demoralizing and…
Report: Not one goddamned pen works in this house
YOUR HOUSE – Early reports indicate that there is not a single, goddamned pen that works in this house. The revelation became apparent immediately after you needed to write something down t…
Firefighters rescue man from shower who forgot towel
NEWMARKET, ON – A dramatic scene unfolded earlier this morning after a towel-less man was rescued from his shower by firefighters. The shivering man survived an agonizing 20 minutes before …
Canadian tourist causes chaos after replying “I’m good” to yes or no question
CAPE TOWN, SA – A Canadian visiting South Africa has caused chaos by giving a polite, yet vague, non-answer to a question asked by a server at a local restaurant. The incident began shortly…
NS Premier celebrates majority government win with traditional Cape Breton ER closure
GLACE BAY, NS – Premier Stephen McNeil marked his narrow Liberal majority victory by announcing a local ER would be closing for the next three to six weeks. Closing an ER in Cape Breton …
Niagara Region Councillor investigating impostor who emailed porn to colleagues and looks, behaves exactly like him
ST CATHARINES – A Niagara Regional Councillor has set up his own investigation into the impostor who used his email to distribute a pornographic image to 95 of his colleagues, and by strang…
White smoke billows from BC pot shops indicating a new government has been chosen
VANCOUVER – After nearly three weeks of waiting, white smoke has appeared from the many BC medical marijuana dispensaries indicating that a new Premier has been chosen. Thousands lackadaisi…
At least I beat the brown guy
By: Kellie Leitch, former Conservative Party Leadership candidate I wish to congratulate Andrew Scheer on winning the Conservative Party Leadership. While my divisive, anti-immigrant, and half-ba…
Canadian Top Gun sequel centres around pilots waiting around for government to procure jets
COLD LAKE, AB – Filmmakers have already started production of Canadian-themed sequel to the blockbuster hit TOP GUN, which is premised around two renegade pilots waiting for their aging CF-…
