Video game protagonist: “I can't use that item right now” - The Beaverton
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Video game protagonist: “I can’t use that item right now”

As the protagonist of a popular video game, I’m no stranger to acquiring an extensive number of seemingly pointless items which I know will eventually go on to serve a critical purpose. And nobody understands the importance of trial and error more than I do when it comes to applying those items to different situations.

But in response to your repeated insistence that I use this one particular item (a golden crank), it needs to be said: I can’t use that right now. That won’t work. I can’t use this, I need to try something else. Hm, don’t think so. Can’t use that. Maybe later.

Obviously I need this for something. I wouldn’t have just picked it up and started carrying it around if it wasn’t going to be useful at some point. A standalone crank made of gold isn’t the sort of thing you just find lying around on a daily basis – you know, like bullets or a ham on the ground. But as of right now, in terms of whether or not I can use it, I must insist: I can’t use that right now. I can’t use these things together. It’s not working. That’s not it. This must go somewhere else. Nope.

More likely than not, there’s something I’m going to need to use it on behind that door over there. But that door is locked. It’s locked, I need to find a key. Not going that way, it’s locked right now. Hmm, locked – got to be a key around here somewhere. Won’t budge, must be locked. Gotta find a key for that. It’s locked. Maybe there’s a key for this?

For the time being, I think we ought to stop just trying to use this crank on everything we see. We’ll likely find something later on with a visible crank-hole that something like, say, this painting we’re trying to jam it into does not possess. Besides, there are more pressing concerns at the moment, not the least of which is that I’m out of mana. I need more mana. I don’t have enough mana for that. I’m low on mana. Mana’s gone basically. Out of mana. I need to get more mana.

Also not to make this a whole thing, but I can’t carry any more, if you have time to hear about that.