By: A Dog
Well, here we are again. You’ve got your small plastic bag and I’m looking for a the right spot, but could you do me one favour? Stop staring.
It’s just a small ask, but your ogling is really having an impact on my dignity as I’m squatting here on our neighbour’s lawn. I’ve been humiliated enough with this leash and collar that you insist I wear each time, so spare me this embarrassment.
You have forced me to do this outside, unlike someone else who would take care of it in the conveniences of our home. But for some reason, only you’re allowed to do that and I’m unjustly punished every time I exercise the same rights.
Honestly, it’s like you’ve never seen me do this before in our entire seven year relationship. Well guess what, Dave? I do it one-to-three goddamned times a day, so you should be used to it by now.
Do I barge into the washroom to see what’s going on while you’re in there? Of course! But I celebrate that my master is all right and he hasn’t fallen in.
Now, could you please clean that up? It appears that your neighbour couldn’t look away either.
