St-Hyacinthe, QC – Inside sources say that the CEO of Pullman’s Quality Meats, who is being sued by an employee for sexual harassment, is attempting to win the suit with an elaborate plan, mainly comprised of further sexual harassment.
Pullman’s CEO Don Higgins, who is being sued by a female employee for allegedly requesting sexual favours from her, told an assistant that he plans to get off “scot-free” by “putting the ol’ Higgins mojo into overdrive.”
Sources close to Higgins say his first plan of action is to send the employee’s attorney Samantha Zales a picture of his genitals with the caption “How about these quality meats?” According to those close to him, Higgins believes the photo will arouse so much ardour in the seasoned attorney, she will “completely forget to prepare for the trial.”
Higgins’ assistant says his back-up plan if that doesn’t work is to forward the picture to the officer handling the case to “intimidate him out of pursuing the charge.”
Despite protests from friends and advisors, Higgins plans to kick off the trial by greeting the presiding Judge Anthony Horace with an unsolicited deep tissue massage. According to a leaked document of Higgins 10-step plan, at this point, the jury will already have received flyers detailing the CEO’s extensive offerings for various forms of sexual gratification.
And although Zales is known for her incisive questioning of defendants on the stand, Higgins told a friend that “it’s nothing a few winks and a game of footsie can’t fix”.
On his way out of the courthouse, Higgins plans to ward off negative media attention by complimenting reporters on their “great cans” and “impressive bulges.”
“It’s a fool-proof, plan” Higgins asserted in a recorded phone call.
Higgins is expected to win the dismissal of the lawsuit.
