With the immense mainstream popularity of shows like ‘Book of Mormon’ and now ‘Hamilton,’ it seems we may be entering another golden age of musicals. But all is not perfect on Broadway. Crafting a timeless musical is a balancing act – a dash of wit, a pinch of style – and some shows never found that ideal mix. Here are seven musicals that should have more cats in them and one that definitely shouldn’t.
LES MISERABLES
You’re telling me this whole thing takes place in the filthy back alleys of Paris and there isn’t one cat?! They could have made that whole barricade out of cats and still had some left over to play Cosette.
FIDDLER ON THE ROOF
It must get lonely up on that roof fiddling all alone. Here’s an idea: make it the same roof from ‘Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.’ Problem solved! What problem? Why, the problem of not enough cats, of course! Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a CAT. TRADITION!
RENT
You expect us to believe a musical starring a bunch of poor artists living in tiny New York City apartments and not one of them has a cat? EVERY poor artist living in New York City has a cat. For accuracy, the opening Seasons of Love number should have started with ‘525,600 felines’.
HAMILTON
Of course Mike Pence didn’t like it: VICE PRESIDENT Aaron Burr is the bad guy! Maybe Burr could have been softened a bit if he carried a cat around. Its name would be Aaron Purr, obviously, and it would rap. Now that’s a show I’d pay $200 to see! Wait it’s HOW much? Never mind.
JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCAT
The lack of cats here is downright baffling. First of all, it takes place in ancient Egypt where cats were literally revered. They even have the gigantic desert-pharaoh-cat to prove it. Second, they spend the whole time singing about some dreamcoat when it clearly says in the title… Oh I see! It’s NOT a dreamcat… Well I still stand by my statement. If you’re going to be dreaming, why not dream about cats? I know I do!
HAIR
There certainly are a lot of people in this musical. You know what has more hair than people? Cats! Cats! Cats Cats! Give me a cat with hair, long, beautiful hair. Please.
CATS
I bet you thought this was going to be the one that shouldn’t have more cats. You are wrong. While there are, to be sure, lots of cats in this musical, there could — and should — be more. There is a cat that works on a train, but no cat that drives a taxi. There is a “glamour cat” but no “dentist cat”. The cats should all have cats of their own. You shouldn’t be able to swing a dead cat during a production of Cats without hitting a living cat. Indeed, this should have been a scene as well.
LION KING
This is the one that should NOT have more cats. In fact, it should have fewer cats because I did not like Scar. He was very mean and his big song was boring. If it weren’t for him, Mufasa would have remained King instead of elevating the immature Simba to a throne he was not ready to occupy. That’s the musical I want to see: where everything is fine and normal. It can end right after the animal parade at the beginning. While I’d usually say “the more cats the better,” this is, unfortunately, the exception that proves the rule.
