FRANCE – Ratings for the 2016 UEFA European Championships took a sharp and overly dramatic drop earlier today, after receiving the slightest contact from the ratings of opposing programming.
Late in the first half of a group stage match between Hungary and Portugal, the ratings of the 12:00 CBC News appeared to approach the vicinity of the Euro Cup ratings. The Euro ratings immediately plummeted to the ground and started screaming that they would have to cancel all remaining matches, as they were too severely damaged.
CBC News was given a yellow card. If it earns another during the tournament it will be suspended for a full day.
“This is insane! That’s a horrible call!” protested CBC spokesperson Stan Forgeron. “We didn’t come anywhere close to the Euro ratings and everyone knows it.”
A stretcher was summoned as the Euro 2016 ratings appeared unable to rise under their own power. However, as the teams lined up for the free kick, the Euro ratings leapt back up and sprinted downfield to continue their healthy programming dominance.
“It must have been a miracle,” suggested a UEFA staffer. “Certainly, the CBC News threatened our safety and livelihood; the very future of soccer hung in the balance. But we have happily used this scarring incident to our full advantage.”
At press time, hockey ratings could be heard loudly commenting to no one in particular that you’d never see them try something like that.
