TORONTO – An attempt by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation to capitalize on the modern hook-up practice of ‘Netflix and Chill’ has ended in abject failure after would be lovers reported the public broadcaster’s programming made it difficult for them to get down.
“I invited Kelly over for some CBC and Chill, and even though we were both ready to go initially, once the TV was turned on things went south,” reported Brian McFarrell, a young, virile television watcher. “I don’t care how hot she makes you, the sober, trustworthy voices and images of The Fifth Estate are the most effective cold shower out there.”
“We ended up having a reasonable, hour-long conversation about Canadian arctic oil rights until she wished me a good night and headed home,” he added
CBC memes attempting to promote the activity are similarly backfiring. “20 minutes into CBC and chill and he gives you that look,” wrote Samantha Newton on CBC’s Facebook page, “that look that asks quizzically why every show either takes place in a small farm town or seems to exist solely to demonstrate that Canada is a multicultural mosaic.”
“We tried, we really, really tried,” said Tim Geisler, another hopeful romantic, “but when your lady is going down on you and out of the corner of your eye you see Rex Murphy on the screen, the air kind of goes out of the balloon if you know what I mean. The CBC does not belong in the bedrooms of the nation.”
A forum thread on CBC’s website illustrated viewers’ romantic frustrations, with many expressing that “CBC and Chill” was like trying to have sex while your grandmother is in the room.
“The CBC has this weird need to constantly emphasize and remind us how Canadian its shows are, like ALL the time. It comes across as a little insecure,” said Leslie Mahoney, a recent participant in the phenomenon, “and everyone knows insecurity is a real turn-off.”
Despite the vocal rejection by Canadian youth, “CBC and Chill” has apparently caught on with the over 50 crowd. As stated by Mabel Goodman, an avid CBC loyalist, “Even though I knew Sidney’s invitation to watch CBC was a cover for what he really wanted to do, the second I heard Ian Hanomansing’s smooth, sexy voice, my motor really got running.”
At press time the internet was aflame with a new phenomenon called ‘CP24 and Butt Stuff.’
