TORONTO — Following the conclusion of the annual Toronto International Film Festival, the city itself let out a sigh, loosened the collar of its dress shirt and undid its belt, unleashing its massive gut.
Over the past week and a half, the city of Toronto has repeatedly squeezed itself into an ill-fitting tuxedo, cued up a YouTube video on how to tie a bow tie and rummaged through the closet in search of its dress shoes, all in an effort to try and impress the Hollywood A-listers who flock to the city each year for TIFF. However, after having partied with movie stars for 10 days straight, Toronto has found itself lying in bed with a crippling hangover and a heavy sense of self doubt.
In a brief phone interview, the city of Toronto seemed pleased with the success of the event, stating “These Hollywood people, man, they really know how to party.” Though Toronto was unable to provide commentary on any of the films screened at the festival, it did hint at a personal, romantic encounter with Rachel McAdams. Sources, however, have suggested that, though the two were at the same party, Toronto had actually been put in a cab and sent home early after consuming 12 glasses of champagne and passing out at the bar.
Although Toronto suggested that it enjoys the opportunity to dress up as a world class city and host a major film festival, it still breathed an audible sigh of relief this morning as business in the city returned to normal. As of press time, Toronto had reportedly been seen slipping back into its sweatpants and cuing up Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 on Netflix.
