HAMILTON, ON – Despite health risks and the recommendations of veterinarians, local cat Cheesecake has continued to be fed, and continued to grow, at an alarming rate.
“I understand how some people could be concerned,” said owner Miranda Reese of the animal, 32lbs at the time. “But that’s our Cheesecake. He’s just a chubby-wubby boy.”
Reese has refused to acknowledge that her continued feeding of the animal is a serious problem, despite Cheesecake’s inability use the largest of commercial cat-doors or litter boxes.
“It’s not that bad,” said Reese. “He’s happy, really. Because whenever he can push out a meow between those horrible wheezes of his, mama’s right there to fill up his bowl.”
The cat and his owner came to media attention this month after several neighbours had complained to local authorities about the animal’s now accelerating growth. “It’s just not natural for a cat to get that big,” said local man John Gillman. “I’m worried about my kids. It looks at them with those eyes. Those hungry eyes.”
Over the past week Reese has continued to rebuke claims that keeping Cheesecake, who now outweighs most lynxes, in a residential neighbourhood will ultimately lead to tragedy. “I don’t want people thinking I’m a bad owner,” Reese told reporters. “A cat only lives for so long, so you want them to be happy. If my fat pancake kitty-witty wants to take down a deer and lap up its flesh with his rough tongue, you’re darn right I’m going to let him.”
When reached for further comment, Reese was unavailable.
“More,” said Cheesecake, responding in her place.
