OTTAWA – At 10:03 this morning, a flash of light appeared on Parliament Hill producing the glowing white aura of a young woman claiming to be the granddaughter of Prime Minister Stephen Harper, warning the nation about increasing the contribution limits of the Tax Free Savings Account from $5,500 to $10,000.
“I have come to make all of those aware of the perilous decision Joe Oliver and my grandfather are making and how it will shape our Canadian destiny,” declared Sky-Lynne Harper, sporting a cybernetic headset after arriving from a reverse time-space wormhole from 2080.
“The TFSAs was just the beginning. Money was taken out of infrastructure, environmental protection and national defence. After securing his third majority in 2024, my grandfather further increased TFSA limits by replacing the entire public service with cheaper, hyper intelligent poly-alloy robots.”
The time-traveller explained the government kept cutting taxes and ignored tell-tale warnings the robots were plotting an overthrow the government if they didn’t receive our commanding obedience and ability to bank sick days.
“We had no money to fight off the public service robots because my grandfather spent the entire robot apocalypse contingency funding on balancing the budget,” added the descendant of the current Prime Minister.
Harper’s granddaughter, who referred to herself as someone suffering from a severe underlying lack of love from her handshaking grandfather, said the robotic apocalypse all started when he made former disgraced senator Mike Duffy his new Defense Minister.
“It was Duffy’s idea to build the robots in the first place. He wanted a group of like-minded individuals who would voluntarily spend time with him and play craps behind the dumpsters of Parliament Hill,” she said. “Unfortunately, the robots got just as fed up with Duffy as the rest of the Canadian population and revolted against him.”
At press time, Oliver shrugged off the dire warnings stating that it was impossible for someone to come from 2080, since we’ll all be dead from climate change by 2050.
With files from Aaron Hagey-MacKay
