OTTAWA – After fruitlessly trying to get MPs to vote in favour of tighter conflict of interest rules, Ethics Commissioner Mary Dawson has decided to ‘grease the wheels a little bit’.
“I didn’t even have to ask for anything,” Dawson said. “I just gave Jason Kenney a couple of ‘spare’ Senators tickets, and the next thing I knew, he was telling the House of Commons that fighting corruption was the best way to stop ISIS.”
Since Dawson changed strategies, 17 MPs have taken vacations in Mexico, and the House of Commons has voted to tighten restrictions on sponsored travel.
“She just needed to speak our language,” said Minister of Justice Peter Mackay, after agreeing to give an interview in exchange for a toonie, three sticks of chewing gum and a free pass on questions about Bill C-51. “After all, we’re a bilingual country.”
MPs also voted to force MPs to disclose invitations to ‘events and galas’ after an elegant, open-bar soiree at Dawson’s home.
At press time, Dawson had failed to bribe the Prime Minister, after being unable to find a new section of the Charter of Rights for him to ruin.
