TORONTO – Hours after he lashed out and kicked a shirtless protester, Rob Ford’s sobriety coach Bob Marier checked himself into rehab to address his anger management issues and bad press.
Marier, who is filling in for Sandro Lisi as Mayor Ford’s sobriety coach, has accompanied Mayor Ford on all of his visits to constituents and crack dens over the past two weeks.
“I am ashamed and have nobody to blame but myself,” explained Marier. “But who does that protester think he is? What kind of idiot stands on the sidewalk with a cardboard sign and doesn’t expect to take a good beating?!”
“…I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that,” a suddenly apologetic Marier said trying to calm himself down. “All I can do is go to rehab and promise that this won’t happen again, probably.”
When reached for a comment, staffers in the Mayor’s office offered Marier their unequivocal support.
“Nobody’s perfect. Who amongst us hasn’t felt the urge to smack democracy upside the head?” asked Mayor Ford. “We hope rehab helps Bob with his anger issues and teaches him how better silence protesters,” said Doug Ford, who will be filling in as as his brother’s sobriety coach during Marier’s rehab stint.
At press time, Marier could kill for a drink.
