TORONTO – After being questioned about the previously elusive crack video now in possession by Police Chief Bill Blair, Mayor Rob Ford vehemently denied the existence of the “alleged” head of the Toronto Police Service.
“There is no chief,” said Ford repeatedly. “Bill Blair is an obvious fabrication by the Toronto Star in another shameless attempt to drive me out of office. But it ain’t going to happen.”
Pressed further for details, Ford added, “I cannot comment on a chief of police I have never seen and may not exist.”
When confronted with a photograph clearly showing the mayor standing next to Chief Blair, taken during a 2013 press conference, Ford reportedly shut his eyes and covered his ears, before breaking into an impromptu rendition of “The Song That Never Ends”.
When asked about his alleged crack cocaine use, on a video whose existence Chief Bill Blair confirmed earlier this morning, Rob Ford was resolute. “How can a video be watched by a man who doesn’t exist? I know it’s Halloween today, but is it some kind of ‘ghost man’?” Ford suggested, before chuckling nervously and sweating for several uninterrupted minutes.
At press time, Toronto was denying the existence of its mayor.
