WASHINGTON – The IMF has released its annual economic winners and losers list and the reigning champions, the middle-aged white male demographic, have topped the list for the 1153rd year in a row.
This 1153-year streak is the longest in competitive world economic history, surpassing Persian males, who dominated the competition before the Common Era, by over 1000 years.
However, the impressive consistency of Caucasian middle-aged menfolk seems to be an accomplishment that is of little interest to this leading demographic.
“Oh we don’t even try anymore,” said Don Evans, a white middle-aged guy. “We know that people like us are the ones who get hired, promoted, and elected – it’s the natural way of things. We’ve mastered the zero-effort strategy.”
Evans is unconcerned by the presence of women on university campuses and in the workforce.
“Female efforts have yet to put a dent in our complete economic control. It’s cute, but I’m not worried” shrugged a self-satisfied Evans while “making it rain.”
When asked how his demographic keeps keeping everyone else down Evans crowed, “white privilege and copious amounts of tenacious testosterone courses through our veins. It’s simple biology, you can’t argue with science.”
