Name: Memorial University of Newfoundland
Nickname: “Ol’ Technically Part of Canada”
Motto: “G’wan wich ya! She’s some lop on da pond dere, buddy what?”
History:
Founded in 1925 by J.L Paton as a way to dispel the stereotype of the “dumb Newfie”, the University regrettably sank in 1925. This was because it had been built on top of the surface of the water, out of bricks, which do not float. After identifying the problem, the Paton rebuilt the University in 1930, this time on a raft. Unfortunately, he forgot to tie it to the dock and it was subsequently lost in the Atlantic. The University was rebuilt again in 1940 and has stayed put for the last 73 years, mostly through sheer dumb, blind luck.
Pros:
– Memorial University has long eschewed narrow-minded book-learnin’ in favour of sea-minded cod-learnin’.
– If you have a hatchet and some lemon and butter, you can usually get the better of the giant lobsters.
– Your degree from the Department of Folklore will help you confirm that, yes, the fish Danny caught was that big.
– George St. pub crawl will help you forget about the George St. pub crawl.
– Marine Institute has world’s largest Flume Tank… ladies.
Cons:
– The MUN Botanical Gardens only contain plants that can grow in Newfoundland, such as granite, shale, and brown granite.
– Storm’s a brewin’.
– If you’re from away, the townies won’t talk to you cause you’re not from the town, folk from round-the-bay won’t talk to you because you’re not from round-the-bay.
– All-cod meal plan doesn’t provide much vitamin C.
Did you know?
…That the Marine Institute’s ship’s bridge simulator is so accurate that its animatronic Sirens will actually lure you onto the rocks, bang and then eat you?
…That all the entries on the ‘Overheard at Memorial University’ Facebook page are completely incomprehensible?
…That Grenfell Campus has the only bachelors of Fine Arts program in Newfoundland and I’ll be damned if you’re going to disgrace your papa’s memory by running off to study Interpretive Dance? I don’t care if it’s been your dream since you were six, he didn’t work 25 years on a fishing boat, god rest his soul, for you to wear tights and prance around in the prissified city of Corner Brook! My only child, my own flesh and blood!
…That Memorial has a satellite campus in Essex, the Newfoundland of England?
Famous Alumni
Rex Murphy, The worst. Just the worst.
Mark McKinney, Still looks good in a dress, after all these years.
Gwynne Dyer, Will never ever look good in a dress.
Danny Williams, Only popular premier in Canadian history.
