TORONTO – Tide made waves in the detergent world yesterday when it announced its latest product, which promises to remove period stains from sweatpants, bed sheets, mattresses, and full-butt, nude-coloured underwear.
In the now infamous commercial, a frazzled woman walks out in front of a white wall, stares directly into the camera, and states, deadpan, “Tide Period Stain Guarantee: It gets out period stains. Period.”
Public reactions to the product are positive across the board.
Rachel Foster, 24, camped out in a tent outside Shoppers Drug Mart for two days in order to get her hands on the first shipment. “I have three separate receptacles to deal with period-stained items”, she said. “A separate hamper, a shallow bucket for washing them, which usually doesn’t work, and so they end up in the ‘special’ garbage can. The madness is finally over.”
This is also good news for second-hand clothing store owners. Pierre Hodgens, a local Goodwill manager stated, “you have no idea how many times people try to pass off period-stained items as donation-quality stuff. There’s this pool of blacklisted items that we just can’t get rid of. I’ve been stuck with this one pair of soiled Penguin pajamas for close to ten years.”
Environmental groups are anticipating a decrease in the negative effects to the Ozone layer caused by mass period-stained clothing bonfires.
Male reactions to the product are evasive.
