WASHINGTON, DC – Tempers flared at the White House Monday night when Malia Obama discovered her father had been reading her text messages.
The fourteen year-old first daughter was outraged that her father had read her texts about the daily embarrassment that is Joe Biden, Edward Snowden’s uncanny resemblance to Robert Pattinson, and how she was really tired of only eating food grown in the White House vegetable garden.
President Obama hailed his daughter’s discovery as “an opportunity to have a really important discussion.” “Until she caught me spying on her, we couldn’t discuss my spying on her, so this is a really positive development,” he added.
Michelle Obama, who had previously denied the existence of parental text-reading was quickly appointed to investigate the incident. “I hope my impartial look into this rampant spying can restore the childrens’ trust in our parenting,” she said.”
The Guardian’s Glenn Greenwald would not indicate whether Malia Obama had leaked the story to him but, for the past 48 hours, has been producing 5,000-word blog posts on an hourly basis.
