TORONTO – In press conference this morning, Chris Spence, the former head of the TDSB, took the opportunity to offer some borrowed words of remorse.
“My mother always said that life is like a box of chocolates,” began a teary-eyed Spence. “You never know what you’re going to get. I am not a crook!”
The speech, which contained an estimated 341 uncredited quotations from books, film, TV, music and other pop culture, held the audience captive for over 6 hours.
“Yeah I guess I should be angrier about the plagiarism,” said one PTA representative Lauren Nowen. “But it’s not everyday you get to see one dude act out the entire third season of Mad Men… one second… Spence! Do Freebird!”
But Spence wasn’t there just to apologize. He also took the opportunity to level some criticism at the TDSB institution.
“They may say that I’m out of order, but they’re the ones who are out of order! You’re out of order! You’re out of order! The whole damn system is out of order! Say hello to my little friend!”
“Hoo-ah!” added Spence.
At press time, Spence had accepted a job with the Globe and Mail, where he and Margaret Wente will be working together on a regular column entitled “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
