A recent meta-analysis of studies related to caffeine has led doctors to conclude that giving up caffeine can provide a healthy boost to a weakening superiority complex. However, the correlation …
Local woman worried she says ‘y’all’ too much
MONTREAL — Local woman Molly Blackmore recently expressed concern to friends and family about her overuse of the contraction “y’all.” “I just find it handy!” explained Molly. “It’s casual and kin…
Local parents worried baby’s online brand not strong enough
MONTREAL — Local parents Tim and Suzanne Skinner share a common fear of many new parents of the 21st century: is their baby’s online brand strong enough? “I read a study in the Journal of E…
Back-up toque promoted to first string following loss of star toque
MONTREAL — Formerly a fourth string benchwarmer in Steve’s winter hat roster, a plain black toque has been bumped up to starting player following the loss of a beloved red beanie. The black toque…
CEO hoping to sexually harass his way out of sexual harassment lawsuit
St-Hyacinthe, QC – Inside sources say that the CEO of Pullman’s Quality Meats, who is being sued by an employee for sexual harassment, is attempting to win the suit with an elaborate plan, …
Local man hoping to complete burger loyalty card before next heart attack
Markham, ON — Local man Ricky Horks is only four stamps away from completing his Burger Dump loyalty card and is hoping to redeem it before his next heart attack. “With luck, I’ll slide in …
Labour market experts say precariously employed youth should consider organ trade
OTTAWA — Labour market experts are advising precariously employed youth to look into alternative streams of income such as the illegal international organ trade to ensure they enjoy a similar lev…
Local mom smells bar of lavender soap for 36 hours straight
HALIFAX — Local mother of three Sandy Berman had local authorities baffled last week when she stopped to smell a bar of lavender soap at a farmers’ market for over 36 consecutive hours. Wit…
$700,000 spent to honour famed gazebo-lover, Mordecai Richler
MONTREAL — Work has finally been completed on the gazebo located in Mount Royal park to honour late gazebo-lover Mordecai Richler. Richler ism of course, best known for cultivating the respect th…
Drake finally gets under the shirt, over the bra with Rihanna
TORONTO — Over the long weekend, the nation was jubilant to receive news that Toronto-born rapper Drake had finally gotten to second base with girlfriend Rihanna. The news about the progres…