EDMONTON – Attempting to seduce his girlfriend after a garlic-heavy dinner, local man Spencer Jones helped himself to some of the lozenges that he found beside her bed- a decision sources s…
Local
Local dad pretty sure firework should have exploded by now
BRANDON, MB – Seeing as it’s been a good five or ten minutes since he lit his Roman candle, local dad Brook Jensen reports that he’s “almost certain” that the shell …
Red and black ants engaged in racial war
Wascana Park, Regina – What started out as a dispute over a fallen popsicle, has now turned into a full fledged race war between the red ants of the community garden and the black ants of t…
Local man fired for accidentally dressing like a pirate
HALIFAX – The unfortunate coincidence of laundry day with casual friday has left local man Derek Hines out of work and unwittingly dressed as a buccaneer. “I didn’t really have any clean cl…
Uncle Ben’s white rice confuses local racist
ETOBICOKE – Six weeks ago, 56-year old racist Stan Youngson became puzzled by a bag of Uncle Ben’s White Rice at a local No Frills, and has been struggling with it ever since. “I just can’t…
Local atheist converted by hot Jehovah’s Witness
REGINA – Despite having spent most of his life professing his antipathy for Abrahamic religions and staunchly denying the existence of any sort of deity, yesterday local atheist Hank Tremb…
Fun and games continue after unpopular kid loses eye
St. John, NB – After a wayward pitch blinded 10-year old Saul Fieffel in his right eye, the students of Ms. Krougar’s grade 5 homeroom class decided to finish their softball game instead of…
Man with sweaty back mourns arrival of summer
GUELPH, ON – The onset of warm weather has left local man Jake Blume completely unable to go out in public without sweating through his clothes. “Great, now I get to spend four months of my…
Ontario narrowly averts sobriety crisis
TORONTO – A last minute deal between the Ontario Public Service Employees Union (OPSEU) and the Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO) averting a strike that would have prevented Ontarians …
Local mom spends Mother’s Day hoping son forgets to call
REGINA, SK – Greeting card writer and longtime mother, Cindy Watros, spent much of her Mother’s Day, the annual event in which children express gratitude for all their mothers have done for…
