BRANDON, MB – Sources are reporting that local senior citizen Morris Nesbit set a record recently in the changing facilities of the Brandon Super Fitness Centre by accomplishing every single other task that he came there to do in a state of either total or partial nudity before finally tucking his genitals into his clothing at the last conceivable moment.
“I noticed they replaced some of the workout machines, but that doesn’t bother me much because I never really cared for them to begin with,” Nesbit explained while slowly aiming a blow dryer back and forth across his vast body hair. “The gym is great for exercise, sure, but what I appreciate most is the chance to really take my time shaving next to a urinal.”
Among the tasks that witnesses reported Nesbit completed before bothering to get dressed were: combing his mustache; putting plastic bags inside of other plastic bags; trying to remember the name of a restaurant that closed in 1987; putting on both socks and shoes; and having eight separate conversations about fertilizer.
“You oughta go visit Rhodesia some time,” Nesbit suggested to a stranger apropos of nothing while applying an unknown white powder to his crotch. “I hear they have huge animals.”
“When I first saw him in the locker room, he was standing next to this bench with one foot up on it,” stated one witness who preferred to remain anonymous, “I was only in there for about ten minutes, but during that time I must have seen him do the same thing at like seven different benches.”
Recently Nesbit’s 20 year old grandson was reported to have made use of the same locker room, where he changed into swim trunks with a towel wrapped around his waist while inside a locked toilet stall with the lights turned off.
