Bridgewater, NS – Through the haze of foggy memories and poor decisions, local high schoolers stumbled home after another post-prom rager, with only the faintest bit of leftover twilight to guide them. This was the latest misadventure for a generation increasingly known for sobriety, self-care, and early bedtimes.
“Oh man, I was so wasted,” said Senior Mark Simmonette, referring to how sleepy he was when he had to get up at 5:30 the next morning to go jogging. “I could barely crack open the textbook for the summer college class I’m already taking before ripping off a sluggish 20k.”
Mr Simmonette wasn’t the only one feeling the modest sting of his youthful indiscretions. His girlfriend Amanda Schneer was equally out-of-sorts the next day. “When I showed up at the veterinary clinic I volunteer at, the rest of the pre-breakfast shift knew I had been up to trouble last night. They were like, wait, did you not do your LED mask this morning? They knew right away.”
The party was hosted by fellow Class of 2024 Graduate Darrin Nauss, whose mother Angela offered to supervise festivities with an eye on safety.
“I went out and got one of those lockboxes for everyone to put their keys in, but it turns out no one drives? I even got my SmartServe license but didn’t need it. At one point, like 8 pm or so, it got super quiet so I snuck downstairs to see what was going on, and it was like, weird and civil. Some kids were on their phones, a couple were playing a board game, I think there was Reiki? The keg was untapped, but someone had the espresso maker going.”
“Honestly don’t tell Darrin this, but he was actually conceived at my post-prom. I think. Guess things change.”
“I owe my mom big time after what we pulled off last night,” said Mr Nauss, the party host. “I think someone tried to make tanghulu and got syrup on the good coach. Things got sticky after 9 or so.”
The recent graduates will take a long break from parties now to focus on themselves before reconvening this August to spend six consecutive nights high on Xanax.
